December 2011
9 posts
That’s it. He’s officially leaving. In a few hours. We’re done. It ended…mutually…on a hopeful note. We didn’t get to see each other though. Which was understandable since he had a lot to pack and do. But I just thought one last kiss would have been nice. Despite the fact that we’re both okay with it…it doesn’t denote the feelings that are...
This can’t be good for me. He’s leaving me. He promised he wouldn’t let me go. And he’s leaving to go across the country. In two days. I’m in utter shock. Shaking. I feel like I’m going to throw up. I’m already sick. Mentally too. I know I was taken into account for this decision…but I wish I knew he feels the same way. I wish I could spend his last...
Who knew one text could do so much to me. I can’t bring myself to write back in hopes that another reply could say the words I need to hear instead.
My mind is telling me to give up but my heart is telling me to hold on.
I have no strive. No strive to do what I love anymore. Retail therapy does not help anymore. Disney moves are a temporary fix. It wasn’t lasting. I have no motivation to paint, sketch, or photograph. Nothing. All I think about is food. Especially my regret the past few days for eating more than I usually do. I had one meal more than I usually yesterday…and two snacks. I hated myself. I...
You are strong.
Brave. I am brave.
I’m tired of pretending everything is okay. I just want everything to be okay.
It hurts.
It hurts really bad. I can’t move.
November 2011
11 posts
My Racing Thoughts
You’ll be okay. Be the change. Be the person you want to be. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Be the change. You’ll be okay. Have hope. You’ll be okay. Be the person you want to be. You’ll be okay. Don’t worry. Make change. Be change. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Make it happen. Ignore others. Don’t let them get to you. You’ll be okay. Ignore what they...
I’m tired of pretending to be happy. Why can’t I simply BE happy?
I hate Thanksgiving weekend.
I hate Thanksgiving. Not necessarily because I’m pretty much forced to eat. It’s because I’m forced to eat in front of others. Putting that pressure on me to really eat. If I don’t put too much on my plate, they will ask. If I put enough and don’t eat it all, they will ask. I don’t want to purge. To makes matter worse, I’m basically celebrating...
Pretending to be happy…not for myself, but for others.
I'm losing.
Myself. Him. My family. My friends.
I’m losing.
To dream that you have been raped indicates vengeful or resentful feelings toward the opposite sex. You feel that you have been violated or that you have been taken advantage of. Something or someone is jeopardizing your self-esteem and emotional well-being. Things are being forced upon you.
To dream that you are being stalked indicates some difficulty or issue which you are not confronting....
And for a second, I couldn't breathe.
People with anorexia have an extreme fear of gaining weight, which causes them to try to maintain a weight far less than normal. They will do almost anything to avoid gaining weight, including starving themselves or exercising too much. People with anorexia have a distorted body image — they think they are fat (even when they are extremely thin) and won’t maintain a proper weight.
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Maybe it’s a disease. A disease I was born with. How is it that eating is such a problem for me? I constantly see people and pictures (especially on Tumblr) expressing their love for food. Why can’t I see it the same way? I’m jealous of those that can actually finish their food, without regrets. Eating is a simple, everyday task that is needed in order for our bodies to function...
Who knew that not seeing someone for so long could make you so depressed. So down in the dumps. It actually makes me productive. I’ve come to a point where studying helps to get my situation out of my mind. I’ve done more studying in the past few weeks than I have in my entire life. Somehow, my to-do list is longer than before. It never stops growing. Consequently, it makes me even...